Mother – (n) The woman who loves you unconditionally from birth, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else — Urban Dictionary.
But that can’t possibly be me. After 2016 swallowed up my life and spit it out, I was left with nothing. I chose to ask my son’s father to become the primary parent because I felt as though I couldn’t give my son the stability he needed to live a great life. Almost a year later I regret it, because I miss the daily routine of getting him dressed for school, picking him up and the simple fact of having him all the time. But logically speaking I made the best possible decision for my son. I spent an extended period of time being homeless, only owning 2 pairs of underwear, a dress and my work uniform. Dragging a 3 soon to be 4year old through that wouldn’t be fair. When I was pregnant I made a promise to my son to give him a childhood he wouldn’t have to recover from. But almost everyday for the first 3 months I cried myself to sleep missing him. This is an extremely sensitive subject for almost anyone, especially me with it all just happening. For mother’s it feels like the one thing we’re supposed to be good at, is the one thing we’ve failed at. But how am I supposed to take raise a child when I can barely make sure that I have enough money to eat or live. This badge I wear is the one I one that carry’s the most shame because this sweet little boy has a fucked up shit show for a mother. This post isn’t about how I have failed him or that I cannot give him a perfect life. This is about me getting my life together, so that one day he’s proud of me.
-For all mothers who are going through a similar situation feel free to comment or email me for support.
Finding Me, While Being An Adult 